You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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