His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
