don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
