My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
