Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
