He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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