that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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