stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
