you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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