i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
