I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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