i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
