Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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