Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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