So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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