Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
