Welp...herpes.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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