and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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