I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
