why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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