So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
