I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
