C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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