i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
