At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
