Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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