Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
