To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
