then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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