some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
