This is not my ceiling
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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