summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
