Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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