hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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