Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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