hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
