Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
