What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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