when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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