An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
