I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
