the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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