I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
