if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Randomize
