I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
