why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
