I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
