I think I died a long time ago.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
