I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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