Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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