I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
