I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
