my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
