I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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