Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
