Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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